New Year's Resolutions - it doesn't have to be hell!

 

Every New Year, like around 14.5 million people in the UK (according to thinkmoney.co.uk), I make at least one resolution. Usually it’s along the lines of ‘I will look after myself more’, or ‘I will be kinder to myself’, or ‘I will eat better’, or (last years) ‘I will go to the gym twice a week and Pilates once a week’.

Like everyone else, I start with the best of intentions: I buy all the necessary kit, trainers and outfits and then I write my blog telling everyone how I’m going to achieve this (I do this in a vague hope that making myself enough guilt to that I stick to said resolution).

Obligatory sweaty gym selfie

Unfortunately this is where the similarity with four out of five people ends.  The reason being is that I am the one out five people in the UK that has a mental health issue, making my reaction to resolution failure different.

Most folks will find a ‘reason’ for not having stuck to their resolution; they accept this, hang up their trainers and forget their pledge to run a marathon.  Me? No such luck!

Suffering from both depression and anxiety, I get torn in two different directions. I feel like my very own ‘Stretch Armstrong’ doll in my head!

Take 2016 for example: I joined the gym to improve my

strength and get a bit fitter. I’d stuck at it quite well until about March, when I had my first ‘waiver’. I felt down (depression) so I didn’t want to do anything – let alone roll up to the gym after a busy working day. Then I felt nervous guilt (anxiety) for not going, which in turn made me even more low (depression) for letting myself and my ‘goal’ down. This in turn led to more guilt (anxiety), that I was letting down the people who had encouraged me when I set myself the resolution. And so the cycle continued… until I felt that I’d failed. ‘You couldn’t even keep a simple resolution, Charlotte’. It’s not perfect and so I’m useless!

 

But that’s just it: I’ve realised – finally, after 18 years - I’m not useless. I just have a different approach to making a resolution. Sometimes ‘perfect’ doesn’t have to be the goal; sometime ‘just enough’ is good enough.

My needs are as big as Charlie Brown's

It’s not easy, but of the 14.5 million people that make resolutions, at least 2.9 million of them are likely to have some form of mental health issue. That means that I’m not alone. There are lots of us out there who have this vicious cycle in our heads.

 

Myself and the Miss British Beauty Curve girls in Regents Park

Upshot: Did I join the gym? Yes. Did I go more than three times a month? Yes. Did I take part in the British Heart Foundation Regents Park Run? Yes. Therefore, was I doing more than I was in 2015? Answer: Yes.

 

Ergo: I achieved ‘just enough’ of my resolution to make a difference. Sure it’s not ‘perfect’, but it’s a change and in the end, that’s good enough.

 

 

Like Tracey Turnblad, I can't conform to 'The man'.

Last December, I received confirmation that I had been accepted into Miss World Natural Beauty as a finalist and, once again, to Miss British Beauty Curve. I was over the moon and so keen to do well that I began to think about what makes a pageant queen - looks-wise.

Don't get me wrong: I know as well as anyone anyone else that there is more to a queenly title than the aesthetic. I do already try to be kind, charitable, supportive and compassionate in everyday life, which I believe is what a queen is all about. But I wondered what a queen looked like.

I read lots of articles on winning dress colour, make-up techniques, etc... but the overriding thing that I took away is that they all have flowing locks. Masses of beautiful, long hair. Straight, wavy or curly; black, brown, red or blonde - no matter; it's always long and there's always tonnes of it.

Well, that's that says I one dreary December day; I'm going to have to grow my hair again. And so the past few months have been spent conditioning, trimming and generally preening my hair in a bid to get it long again. The result- something that I was deeply unhappy with.

Why? Because it finally dawned on me: I was conforming to 'The Man'. You know, that mythical being that we all charge with being enforcer of the 'norm'. For me, winners had long hair - end of.

Problem is that this meant betraying who I am. I am a person who likes my hair I short to mid length vintage styles - I don't suit long, flowing hair. I like being an individual. And besides which - I got accepted onto each pageant, by pageant directors who were fully aware of my cropped barnet!

If they could accept me into their pageants, knowing that I don't fit the 'pageant winner' norm; then I could learn to accept that maybe, just maybe, sometimes a winner can have short-er hair.

Spring forward - time for a change

Ok - so this afternoon I have adopted the 'spring forward' attitude and decided to change my hair colour! I've been a dark brunette since August 2012 and decided it's time for a change.

So after a few words of sage advice from our Nigel, my much trusted hair stylist, I set to with washing my hair twice with  clarifying shampoo, followed by an application of 'Colour B4 Extreme' (for dark, coloured hair). Now, I've had a cold this past week and my sense of smell isn't at top level right now, but I can tell you that this stuff smells like you are applying a stink bomb to your hair. No other way to say it - it stinks! But needs must and in it went.

The process takes an hour and lots (and I mean lots) of rinsing is required at the end. The colour after the colour removal was a  penny coloured coppery red (not really clear from the photo) and I actually quite liked it.

So despite my misgivings about the smell - Colour B4 is a bit of a winner.

Anyhow, as I'd resolved for a change, it was on with the Garnier Olia in shade 6.9 'Bronze'.

I love the finished colour (it's much lighter in petson than in the photos) and it was just the perk up I needed! I heartily recommend that a change is as goid as a rest x

Sometimes things don't go to plan...

It's been ages since my last post - mostly because I didn't know what to say. Until just under two weeks ago, all had been going reasonably well. Then it hit - 'The Slump'.

I hadn't been expecting 'the slump' so when it crept in slowly and relatively silently, I didn't know what happened until - wallop - it was too late.

Now, anyone who has been anywhere near a diet will understand the concept of 'The Slump': You have a week of being reasonably good with your food consumption and you've kept your fitness levels up, only to find the come weigh in day that you've stayed the same or - shock horror - that you put on. The diet industry try to reassure you not to panic, but 'The Slump' is already at work. Weadling it's way into your thoughts and habits; "Well, if that's what you get for an that hard work, why bother? Go on, have a treat".

Resistance appears to be futile. One cake becomes two, becomes a bag of crisps  (that you don't even really like), becomes two weeks of 'treating' yourself in the hopes that you'll feel better. Until eventually it comes to roost. What have you done? All that hard work - not completely, but partially wasted? And for what?

Whilst you disintegrate into a mascara streaked mess of anger, pity and regret, 'The Slump' takes it rest, smug at how easy it was to make you surrender and gloating that it's won.

Sound familiar?

As I sit here, writing this at the tale end of such a 'mascara streaked' episode, I realise that 'The Slump' didn't 'win' and I haven't yet 'lost'. This is a cross roads:

The easy road is the way of 'The Slump'; paved with cakes, chocolates and the age old, 'There's always tomorrow'.

The harder road is a bitter taste but is the road that starts with writing down your short comings, owning up to your mistakes and resolving that the only real failure is to stop trying...

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway...

So here we are at essentially the middle of week three of my new programme but it’s only really my second week as last week was a asthma filled nightmare of a write-off!

 

Anyway, I digress. This week I want to talk about courage. 

 

Now, I am by nature frightened of my own shadow. Years of bullying at school can do that to a person. And whilst I am continually striving to become a stronger, more decisive person, there are times when I can give the Cowardly Lion a run for his money!

Take this week for example: I returned to the gym last night after a six day hiatus and I had to talk myself into walking through that door. I had no justification for my fear other than barriers I was creating in my head, but I was afraid nevertheless. What will people think of me? Is everyone going to stare at the ‘big bird’ on the treadmill? Will someone make fun of me? All of which are groundless, but nonetheless real, fears.

 

After a good ten minutes in the car park, I decided that no good was going to come of sitting there thinking about ‘what if’s’ – the only way to find out the answers was to go on in and see.  So that’s what I did.

 

As it was, I found the session very hard. The gym was full of very fit people, all warming us for their ‘Insanity’ class. But as much as my vanity makes me believe that they were secretly jeering me and my flab, I put my head down and got on with my circuits.

 

Towards the end of my session, there was just myself and an older gentleman left in the suite and he approached me. He told me, “You did well tonight”. I must have looked agog as he continued “You have great control on the machines, you know your breathing and you know what you are doing. Don’t be put off by what other people may or may not think”. You could’ve knocked me down with a feather. My fears and anxiety were clearly that obvious to someone who cared enough to reassure me and that meant an awful lot.

 

I guess what I’m trying to get at is that we all get scared sometimes, and that’s OK.  What is not OK is to allow those fears to disable you from doing something that you really want to do.  Sometimes you don’t know what’ll happen until you try…

New Year, New You... What's wrong with the old one?

Well, here we are on 9th January 2016 and I still haven't written the first blog of the year that I faithfully promised to do at the start of the year. So here goes - and apologies, it's going to be a it of a long one...

I started something a couple of years ago, and I've suck with it this year. Rather than making straightforward resolutions, I instead chose to 'theme' my years. Let me explain...

In 2014, I decided to make it my year of 'yes'. I figured that if I said 'yes' more than 'no', more nice things may happen. As it turned out, they did. I took part in two burlesque courses (and graduated), I joined the Red Hat Society (as a Pink hatter), I took part in two photo-shoots and I started my own business. Not bad for simply saying 'yes' a bit more.

Then in 2015, the theme was 'why not?'. Applying the same principle as above, I said, 'why not?' a bit more. This meant wearing a bikini (for the first time since I was four years old), taking part in the Race For Life despite being the largest lady there and entering the plus size pageant 'Miss British Beauty Curve'. If I'd not taken the 'to hell with it, why not?@ approach - I would never have done these things.

So I have decided that 2016 is going to be my year of 'healthy'. I'm not after the whole 'new year, new you' thing because that it trite rubbish. There's nothing wrong with the old me; I'd just like to improve it a little. This means that I will be making positive, healthy changes to my lifestyle but also a few more healthy changes in terms of positive thoughts towards myself too. For example, I am a plus size girl, and likely to always be so. Whilst I am, as my friend and fellow Miss British Beauty Curve finalist, Tracey puts it, 'fat and fierce' that does not mean that I have to be unhealthy about it.

Since the pageant in August, I had, I must confess rather let myself go in terms of regime. Unfortunately I had taken the approach that if it was not nailed down, I'd eat it and to hell with exercise! Consequently, I gained weight and become even more unfit than I was before. With Christmas into the mix too, and absolutely no will-power at all, you can imagine my predicament.


Then on Boxing Day, I made a decision; whilst I like my junk food and the odd pint, I'd like to be healthier and I'd like to regain some of the courage and pride I had in myself last year. My friend Tracey, whom I mentioned above, has been my inspiration. Her fantastic blog http://Bigbeautifulhealthywoman.wordpress.com is absolutely the steer

I needed in the right direction and so with a pint of Rattler Pear in one hand and a box of Salt and Vinegar Pringles in the other, I started trawling the internet for local gyms and classes to help me move forward, inspired my Tracey. I found 'Gravity' in Tewkesbury, run by John Cooper and Suzanne Meaden, at my old senior school, Tewkesbury School. I emailed them straight away explaining my predicament - size 26, hate exercise, thought of the gym filling me with dread, fear of being sweaty in public, etc... - and awaited their response.

Well, long story short, John kindly contacted me just before new year and I was up at the fitness centre on 2nd January, talking through my fears and goals. It was strangely cathartic going back to my old school sports centre. I detested sports and particularly the obnoxious women who taught the sport at our senior school. I was always tall, chunky and completely uninspired. It took an immense amount of courage to walk in there and I'm so proud of myself for doing it. I'm even prouder that I signed up to the gym on the Monday and this week I have completed my gym induction and attended both the Yoga Balance and Pilates class. More to follow about my classes and my progress in the coming weeks

In the meantime, I think I'd best sign off for the time being, but suffice to say that this is the first step in a very long road and I hope you'll stick with me and see where it leads...

Recommendation for the week: If you are not already a Lane Bryant shopper, I really urge you to take a look at their 'Livi' sportwear collection, and in particular, this weeks saviour - the Livi Molded underwire sports bra (item #127197) http://www.lanebryant.com/plus-size-active/sports-bras/20233c20242/index.cat. Available up to an H cup, this little beauty has been a God-send this week and has kept the girls firmly where they needed to be!

The Curve Fashion Festival

The Curve Fashion Festival, is a brand new and unique fashion event, and is slated to become the largest plus size fashion festival in the UK.

 

Louise O'Reilly, Tess Holliday, Nicolette Mason
and Hayley Hasselhoff
Photo courtesy of The Curve Fashion Festival

 

Chilled out after a
lovely massage



With the beautiful Georgina
of 'Fuller Figure, Fuller Bust' 

Debuting on Saturday 26th September, in Manchester Central, the event welcomed some great fashion brands and top plus-size celebrities and was attended by over 1,000 people. Here's my personal take on the day:

I arrived at 11.30am and was welcomed with a gorgeous goodie bag full of lovely treats including a New Look Handbag, Boohoo gift card, Curv'i'licious gift card, Creighton hair products and Bee Good skincare. I made my way to the Fashion Hall and began my day with a lovely back, neck and shoulder massage from Allie at the Spa Parties stand. It was heaven!

With my very favourite plus size blogger, the truly
gorgeous Betty Pamper

 



Duly relaxed and ready to face the day, I met up with some of the plus size bloggers before heading to the swap stand! I traded three dresses and a jumpsuit for three new-to-me dresses and a top! I love a good swapsies!

With the perfectly gorgeous
Lisa Riley at the launch of her new
collection - 'Just Be You'

 


 

 
 Following my fellow plus size bloggers lead, I headed to the Figure 8 stand to meet the lovely Lisa Riley for the unveiling of her beautiful new clothing range 'Just Be You'. If you haven't seen it - you must get yourself along to http://www.figure8collection.co.uk/18_just-be-you for a look. 

 

I bought myself the simply divine 'Katie' dress from the new collection and will be writing a blog on my purchase really soon!

Lisa Riley and the plus size bloggers
Photo courtesy of The Curve Fashion Festival

 

Next it was time for the catwalk shows with key new looks on show from ASOS Curve, Elvi, New Look, Boohoo.com, Very So Fabulous, Studio 8, Miss Guided, Evans, Pink Clove, Monif C, Taking Shape, Elomi, Simply Be, Studio Untold and Tess Holliday. The collections were beautiful and I've certainly got lots of inspiration for my autumn/ winter 2015 wardrobe.

From the ASOS Curve
Catwalk show
photo courtesy of
The Curve Fashion
Festival

 

From the Elvi
catwalk show
photo courtesy of
The Curve Fashion
Festival

 

From the Miss Guided 
Catwalk show
photo courtesy of
The Curve Fashion
Festival

My only criticism of the catwalk shows was the lack of representation of the plus size community in terms of models. The models, provided by Hughes Models, were of course beautiful ladies and did an excellent job of showing off the collections. However the buzz I got from the ladies watching the shows was that they (and indeed I) would liked to have seen more variety in the size, shape and height of the models. We are a very diverse community and this was my only downside to the day.

Following the fashion shows, it was back to the hall for a spot more shopping!

During my shopping trip, I was fitted for a new Elomi bra by the lovely Lucy at the Mish stand (https://www.mish-online.co.uk/). I was one of the 80% of women wearing the wrong size - who knew?! I had a sport of window shopping at the Very and Elvi stands, and I then went on to buy some gorgeous dresses from the 'Scarlett & Jo' (separate blog on my purchases to follow soon!) and (yet another!) t-shirt from 'Nicky Rockets'.

Tess Holliday
Photo courtesy of The Curve Fashion
Festival

With Tess Holliday

I also spoke to the perfectly gorgeous Tess Holliday at her '#Eff Your Beauty Standards' stall. I am such a massive fan of this lady and it was an absolute pleasure to meet with such a genuinely lovely person.

I could think of no better way to round off my day at The Curve Fashion Festival than with a photo of my MBBC girls; the reigning Miss British Beauty Curve, Rebecca Argent and Ms British Beauty Curve, Kat Henry.

Rebecca, Me and Kat
#MBBC

I'm so proud to have been awarded my title of this years' 'Ms Congeniality' and I'm looking forward to entering again in 2016.

Ms Congeniality 2015

I was sad to have to leave early and miss out on the seminars with Lisa Riley, Nicolette Mason, Louise O'Reilly, Tess Holliday and Hayley Hasselhoff, that completed the days events. However it has given me an added incentive to start planning my day for the 2nd annual Curve Fashion Festival.

Roll on next year...