Like Tracey Turnblad, I can't conform to 'The man'.

Last December, I received confirmation that I had been accepted into Miss World Natural Beauty as a finalist and, once again, to Miss British Beauty Curve. I was over the moon and so keen to do well that I began to think about what makes a pageant queen - looks-wise.

Don't get me wrong: I know as well as anyone anyone else that there is more to a queenly title than the aesthetic. I do already try to be kind, charitable, supportive and compassionate in everyday life, which I believe is what a queen is all about. But I wondered what a queen looked like.

I read lots of articles on winning dress colour, make-up techniques, etc... but the overriding thing that I took away is that they all have flowing locks. Masses of beautiful, long hair. Straight, wavy or curly; black, brown, red or blonde - no matter; it's always long and there's always tonnes of it.

Well, that's that says I one dreary December day; I'm going to have to grow my hair again. And so the past few months have been spent conditioning, trimming and generally preening my hair in a bid to get it long again. The result- something that I was deeply unhappy with.

Why? Because it finally dawned on me: I was conforming to 'The Man'. You know, that mythical being that we all charge with being enforcer of the 'norm'. For me, winners had long hair - end of.

Problem is that this meant betraying who I am. I am a person who likes my hair I short to mid length vintage styles - I don't suit long, flowing hair. I like being an individual. And besides which - I got accepted onto each pageant, by pageant directors who were fully aware of my cropped barnet!

If they could accept me into their pageants, knowing that I don't fit the 'pageant winner' norm; then I could learn to accept that maybe, just maybe, sometimes a winner can have short-er hair.

Spring forward - time for a change

Ok - so this afternoon I have adopted the 'spring forward' attitude and decided to change my hair colour! I've been a dark brunette since August 2012 and decided it's time for a change.

So after a few words of sage advice from our Nigel, my much trusted hair stylist, I set to with washing my hair twice with  clarifying shampoo, followed by an application of 'Colour B4 Extreme' (for dark, coloured hair). Now, I've had a cold this past week and my sense of smell isn't at top level right now, but I can tell you that this stuff smells like you are applying a stink bomb to your hair. No other way to say it - it stinks! But needs must and in it went.

The process takes an hour and lots (and I mean lots) of rinsing is required at the end. The colour after the colour removal was a  penny coloured coppery red (not really clear from the photo) and I actually quite liked it.

So despite my misgivings about the smell - Colour B4 is a bit of a winner.

Anyhow, as I'd resolved for a change, it was on with the Garnier Olia in shade 6.9 'Bronze'.

I love the finished colour (it's much lighter in petson than in the photos) and it was just the perk up I needed! I heartily recommend that a change is as goid as a rest x

Sometimes things don't go to plan...

It's been ages since my last post - mostly because I didn't know what to say. Until just under two weeks ago, all had been going reasonably well. Then it hit - 'The Slump'.

I hadn't been expecting 'the slump' so when it crept in slowly and relatively silently, I didn't know what happened until - wallop - it was too late.

Now, anyone who has been anywhere near a diet will understand the concept of 'The Slump': You have a week of being reasonably good with your food consumption and you've kept your fitness levels up, only to find the come weigh in day that you've stayed the same or - shock horror - that you put on. The diet industry try to reassure you not to panic, but 'The Slump' is already at work. Weadling it's way into your thoughts and habits; "Well, if that's what you get for an that hard work, why bother? Go on, have a treat".

Resistance appears to be futile. One cake becomes two, becomes a bag of crisps  (that you don't even really like), becomes two weeks of 'treating' yourself in the hopes that you'll feel better. Until eventually it comes to roost. What have you done? All that hard work - not completely, but partially wasted? And for what?

Whilst you disintegrate into a mascara streaked mess of anger, pity and regret, 'The Slump' takes it rest, smug at how easy it was to make you surrender and gloating that it's won.

Sound familiar?

As I sit here, writing this at the tale end of such a 'mascara streaked' episode, I realise that 'The Slump' didn't 'win' and I haven't yet 'lost'. This is a cross roads:

The easy road is the way of 'The Slump'; paved with cakes, chocolates and the age old, 'There's always tomorrow'.

The harder road is a bitter taste but is the road that starts with writing down your short comings, owning up to your mistakes and resolving that the only real failure is to stop trying...

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway...

So here we are at essentially the middle of week three of my new programme but it’s only really my second week as last week was a asthma filled nightmare of a write-off!

 

Anyway, I digress. This week I want to talk about courage. 

 

Now, I am by nature frightened of my own shadow. Years of bullying at school can do that to a person. And whilst I am continually striving to become a stronger, more decisive person, there are times when I can give the Cowardly Lion a run for his money!

Take this week for example: I returned to the gym last night after a six day hiatus and I had to talk myself into walking through that door. I had no justification for my fear other than barriers I was creating in my head, but I was afraid nevertheless. What will people think of me? Is everyone going to stare at the ‘big bird’ on the treadmill? Will someone make fun of me? All of which are groundless, but nonetheless real, fears.

 

After a good ten minutes in the car park, I decided that no good was going to come of sitting there thinking about ‘what if’s’ – the only way to find out the answers was to go on in and see.  So that’s what I did.

 

As it was, I found the session very hard. The gym was full of very fit people, all warming us for their ‘Insanity’ class. But as much as my vanity makes me believe that they were secretly jeering me and my flab, I put my head down and got on with my circuits.

 

Towards the end of my session, there was just myself and an older gentleman left in the suite and he approached me. He told me, “You did well tonight”. I must have looked agog as he continued “You have great control on the machines, you know your breathing and you know what you are doing. Don’t be put off by what other people may or may not think”. You could’ve knocked me down with a feather. My fears and anxiety were clearly that obvious to someone who cared enough to reassure me and that meant an awful lot.

 

I guess what I’m trying to get at is that we all get scared sometimes, and that’s OK.  What is not OK is to allow those fears to disable you from doing something that you really want to do.  Sometimes you don’t know what’ll happen until you try…

New Year, New You... What's wrong with the old one?

Well, here we are on 9th January 2016 and I still haven't written the first blog of the year that I faithfully promised to do at the start of the year. So here goes - and apologies, it's going to be a it of a long one...

I started something a couple of years ago, and I've suck with it this year. Rather than making straightforward resolutions, I instead chose to 'theme' my years. Let me explain...

In 2014, I decided to make it my year of 'yes'. I figured that if I said 'yes' more than 'no', more nice things may happen. As it turned out, they did. I took part in two burlesque courses (and graduated), I joined the Red Hat Society (as a Pink hatter), I took part in two photo-shoots and I started my own business. Not bad for simply saying 'yes' a bit more.

Then in 2015, the theme was 'why not?'. Applying the same principle as above, I said, 'why not?' a bit more. This meant wearing a bikini (for the first time since I was four years old), taking part in the Race For Life despite being the largest lady there and entering the plus size pageant 'Miss British Beauty Curve'. If I'd not taken the 'to hell with it, why not?@ approach - I would never have done these things.

So I have decided that 2016 is going to be my year of 'healthy'. I'm not after the whole 'new year, new you' thing because that it trite rubbish. There's nothing wrong with the old me; I'd just like to improve it a little. This means that I will be making positive, healthy changes to my lifestyle but also a few more healthy changes in terms of positive thoughts towards myself too. For example, I am a plus size girl, and likely to always be so. Whilst I am, as my friend and fellow Miss British Beauty Curve finalist, Tracey puts it, 'fat and fierce' that does not mean that I have to be unhealthy about it.

Since the pageant in August, I had, I must confess rather let myself go in terms of regime. Unfortunately I had taken the approach that if it was not nailed down, I'd eat it and to hell with exercise! Consequently, I gained weight and become even more unfit than I was before. With Christmas into the mix too, and absolutely no will-power at all, you can imagine my predicament.


Then on Boxing Day, I made a decision; whilst I like my junk food and the odd pint, I'd like to be healthier and I'd like to regain some of the courage and pride I had in myself last year. My friend Tracey, whom I mentioned above, has been my inspiration. Her fantastic blog http://Bigbeautifulhealthywoman.wordpress.com is absolutely the steer

I needed in the right direction and so with a pint of Rattler Pear in one hand and a box of Salt and Vinegar Pringles in the other, I started trawling the internet for local gyms and classes to help me move forward, inspired my Tracey. I found 'Gravity' in Tewkesbury, run by John Cooper and Suzanne Meaden, at my old senior school, Tewkesbury School. I emailed them straight away explaining my predicament - size 26, hate exercise, thought of the gym filling me with dread, fear of being sweaty in public, etc... - and awaited their response.

Well, long story short, John kindly contacted me just before new year and I was up at the fitness centre on 2nd January, talking through my fears and goals. It was strangely cathartic going back to my old school sports centre. I detested sports and particularly the obnoxious women who taught the sport at our senior school. I was always tall, chunky and completely uninspired. It took an immense amount of courage to walk in there and I'm so proud of myself for doing it. I'm even prouder that I signed up to the gym on the Monday and this week I have completed my gym induction and attended both the Yoga Balance and Pilates class. More to follow about my classes and my progress in the coming weeks

In the meantime, I think I'd best sign off for the time being, but suffice to say that this is the first step in a very long road and I hope you'll stick with me and see where it leads...

Recommendation for the week: If you are not already a Lane Bryant shopper, I really urge you to take a look at their 'Livi' sportwear collection, and in particular, this weeks saviour - the Livi Molded underwire sports bra (item #127197) http://www.lanebryant.com/plus-size-active/sports-bras/20233c20242/index.cat. Available up to an H cup, this little beauty has been a God-send this week and has kept the girls firmly where they needed to be!