Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway...

So here we are at essentially the middle of week three of my new programme but it’s only really my second week as last week was a asthma filled nightmare of a write-off!

 

Anyway, I digress. This week I want to talk about courage. 

 

Now, I am by nature frightened of my own shadow. Years of bullying at school can do that to a person. And whilst I am continually striving to become a stronger, more decisive person, there are times when I can give the Cowardly Lion a run for his money!

Take this week for example: I returned to the gym last night after a six day hiatus and I had to talk myself into walking through that door. I had no justification for my fear other than barriers I was creating in my head, but I was afraid nevertheless. What will people think of me? Is everyone going to stare at the ‘big bird’ on the treadmill? Will someone make fun of me? All of which are groundless, but nonetheless real, fears.

 

After a good ten minutes in the car park, I decided that no good was going to come of sitting there thinking about ‘what if’s’ – the only way to find out the answers was to go on in and see.  So that’s what I did.

 

As it was, I found the session very hard. The gym was full of very fit people, all warming us for their ‘Insanity’ class. But as much as my vanity makes me believe that they were secretly jeering me and my flab, I put my head down and got on with my circuits.

 

Towards the end of my session, there was just myself and an older gentleman left in the suite and he approached me. He told me, “You did well tonight”. I must have looked agog as he continued “You have great control on the machines, you know your breathing and you know what you are doing. Don’t be put off by what other people may or may not think”. You could’ve knocked me down with a feather. My fears and anxiety were clearly that obvious to someone who cared enough to reassure me and that meant an awful lot.

 

I guess what I’m trying to get at is that we all get scared sometimes, and that’s OK.  What is not OK is to allow those fears to disable you from doing something that you really want to do.  Sometimes you don’t know what’ll happen until you try…

New Year, New You... What's wrong with the old one?

Well, here we are on 9th January 2016 and I still haven't written the first blog of the year that I faithfully promised to do at the start of the year. So here goes - and apologies, it's going to be a it of a long one...

I started something a couple of years ago, and I've suck with it this year. Rather than making straightforward resolutions, I instead chose to 'theme' my years. Let me explain...

In 2014, I decided to make it my year of 'yes'. I figured that if I said 'yes' more than 'no', more nice things may happen. As it turned out, they did. I took part in two burlesque courses (and graduated), I joined the Red Hat Society (as a Pink hatter), I took part in two photo-shoots and I started my own business. Not bad for simply saying 'yes' a bit more.

Then in 2015, the theme was 'why not?'. Applying the same principle as above, I said, 'why not?' a bit more. This meant wearing a bikini (for the first time since I was four years old), taking part in the Race For Life despite being the largest lady there and entering the plus size pageant 'Miss British Beauty Curve'. If I'd not taken the 'to hell with it, why not?@ approach - I would never have done these things.

So I have decided that 2016 is going to be my year of 'healthy'. I'm not after the whole 'new year, new you' thing because that it trite rubbish. There's nothing wrong with the old me; I'd just like to improve it a little. This means that I will be making positive, healthy changes to my lifestyle but also a few more healthy changes in terms of positive thoughts towards myself too. For example, I am a plus size girl, and likely to always be so. Whilst I am, as my friend and fellow Miss British Beauty Curve finalist, Tracey puts it, 'fat and fierce' that does not mean that I have to be unhealthy about it.

Since the pageant in August, I had, I must confess rather let myself go in terms of regime. Unfortunately I had taken the approach that if it was not nailed down, I'd eat it and to hell with exercise! Consequently, I gained weight and become even more unfit than I was before. With Christmas into the mix too, and absolutely no will-power at all, you can imagine my predicament.


Then on Boxing Day, I made a decision; whilst I like my junk food and the odd pint, I'd like to be healthier and I'd like to regain some of the courage and pride I had in myself last year. My friend Tracey, whom I mentioned above, has been my inspiration. Her fantastic blog http://Bigbeautifulhealthywoman.wordpress.com is absolutely the steer

I needed in the right direction and so with a pint of Rattler Pear in one hand and a box of Salt and Vinegar Pringles in the other, I started trawling the internet for local gyms and classes to help me move forward, inspired my Tracey. I found 'Gravity' in Tewkesbury, run by John Cooper and Suzanne Meaden, at my old senior school, Tewkesbury School. I emailed them straight away explaining my predicament - size 26, hate exercise, thought of the gym filling me with dread, fear of being sweaty in public, etc... - and awaited their response.

Well, long story short, John kindly contacted me just before new year and I was up at the fitness centre on 2nd January, talking through my fears and goals. It was strangely cathartic going back to my old school sports centre. I detested sports and particularly the obnoxious women who taught the sport at our senior school. I was always tall, chunky and completely uninspired. It took an immense amount of courage to walk in there and I'm so proud of myself for doing it. I'm even prouder that I signed up to the gym on the Monday and this week I have completed my gym induction and attended both the Yoga Balance and Pilates class. More to follow about my classes and my progress in the coming weeks

In the meantime, I think I'd best sign off for the time being, but suffice to say that this is the first step in a very long road and I hope you'll stick with me and see where it leads...

Recommendation for the week: If you are not already a Lane Bryant shopper, I really urge you to take a look at their 'Livi' sportwear collection, and in particular, this weeks saviour - the Livi Molded underwire sports bra (item #127197) http://www.lanebryant.com/plus-size-active/sports-bras/20233c20242/index.cat. Available up to an H cup, this little beauty has been a God-send this week and has kept the girls firmly where they needed to be!

The Road to the Pageant may be ended but the journey's just begun...

Saturday 8th August saw the final in the 'Miss British Beauty Curve 2015' pageant, at the Epsom Playhouse - and what a fantastic time we had.

Myself and 'Katherine's Closet owner (and bestie!) Emma Adams
outside the Epsom Playhouse

Starting out at 11am with the rehearsals for our opening number, we all bonded really well and with an amazing soundtrack we were all dancing and singing along together in no time - I haven't laughed so much in ages! The time went so quickly and before we knew it, interviews had been completed and we were in the changing rooms prepping for the start of the show! Then the magic started - 28 women ready to show the audience what they could do!

Isn't this supposed to be a beauty pageant?!
(clockwise from top) Stephanie, Tracey, Aisha, me, Kat, Kim and Heila

We opened to Ariana Grande's 'Problem' and I felt truly amazing in my Lady Voluptuous 'Ursula' dress and Ruby Shoo 'Piper' navy polka dot shoes. The whole theme of the opening number was the Union Jack, so we all worked our Red, White and Blue dresses with Union Jacks in hand - and we rocked it (even if some of us slightly miss-footed and nearly fell over at the end!)

Opening number - the Red, White and Blue of the Union Jack

Feeling fab in Lady Voluptuous and Ruby Shoo

After introductions, it was on to the fashion wear round and I really enjoyed this. It was a chance for us all to show the audience a little bit of ourselves and our own individual style. I chose the Gemma Collins 'Copenhagen' dress. You might have remembered that a wiggle dress was an alien concept for me not so long ago, but with a new found appreciation for a dress of a closer fit - I felt fantastic! 

Working the wiggle in
a Gemma Collins 'Copenhagen'

Then on to swimwear! Now, you can imagine that, having had a lifelong fear of a wiggle dress, the thought of wearing a swimsuit on stage once filled me with dread. BUT not anymore! We had another amazing song in Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj's 'Bang Bang' and I, like every other lady on that stage, worked my look. There was a great mix of one and two piece swimwear, cover ups and kaftans and I adored wearing my Magisculpt 'Marilyn' swimsuit and Grazia kimono (both from Simply Be).

Myself and Ms East Coast, Tracey Haynes

As I said, it all went so quickly and before we knew it we were in our Evening Wear for the final round - and what a round. So many beautiful dresses, worn by so many beautiful, caring and talented ladies. My dress was a Grecian style chiffon dress in coral from Trixxi at Macy's teamed with 'Crisp Kendra' shoes in coral suede by Clarks.

The Finale - Trixxi at Macy's and
Crisp Kendra by Clarks

After a brief interval with entertainment from 'Kaiya' and 'Dance Flavourz', it was on to the final part of the pageant - the awards ceremony. We were joined on stage by 2014 winners Emily Blake and Yvonne Cardoso, 2013 winner Amarise and 2012 winner Rio Watchorn. And the winner for the Ms category was....


The Ms Category awards

The gorgeous Katherine Henry, Ms Surrey Curve. I am so pleased to know this beautiful lady and it was a very well deserved victory.

Ms Katherine Henry - Ms Surrey Curve 2015
and now Ms British Beauty Curve 2015

Equally deservedly won were the titles of 2nd runner up, won by Ms East Curve Tracey Haynes and 1st runner up, won by Ms Hertfordshire, Kim Ireland. Best in interview was the lovely, Ms North Wales Stephanie Jaziri and Top Model was won by Aisha Namurach.

Ms East Coast and 2nd Runner up
Tracey Haynes

Ms Hertfordshire and 1st Runner up
Kim Ireland

Ms North Wales and Best in Interview
Stephanie Jaziri

Ms Cardiff and Top Model
Aisha Namurach

Yours truly didn't fair so bad either - I was honoured to be awarded the Best Application award and - much to my utter delight - Ms Congeniality! I am the Gracie-Lou Freebush of Miss British Beauty Curve 2015! The award is amazing and all the more special as it is awarded based on voting by fellow contestants. I am truly blessed to have met such amazing ladies who value me for who I am.

Receiving my Ms Congeniality sash and certificate from
Amarise and Yvonne Cardoso

My Titles

I would like to thank Leah Precod for allowing me to be a part of this amazing pageant and to the whole Miss British Beauty Curve team for their time, patience and support. It has been a privilege. Many congratulations to the winners, both in my category and in the Miss category. Very many thanks to my Mum and Dad, Sally and Clive and to my friend Emma for coming to support me, and also to all the family and friends that supported me here at home in Gloucestershire. I couldn't have done it without you.

Finally I should like to say - Ladies and Gentleman - my road to 'Miss British Beauty Curve 2015' is now at an end but this is simply the beginning of a much bigger journey....

Useful links:
www.facebook.com/KatherinesClosetVintage
https://ladyvlondon.com/LadyVoluptuous/
www.rubyshoo.com/
http://gemmacollinsofficial.com/
www.simplybe.co.uk