New Year's Resolutions - it doesn't have to be hell!

 

Every New Year, like around 14.5 million people in the UK (according to thinkmoney.co.uk), I make at least one resolution. Usually it’s along the lines of ‘I will look after myself more’, or ‘I will be kinder to myself’, or ‘I will eat better’, or (last years) ‘I will go to the gym twice a week and Pilates once a week’.

Like everyone else, I start with the best of intentions: I buy all the necessary kit, trainers and outfits and then I write my blog telling everyone how I’m going to achieve this (I do this in a vague hope that making myself enough guilt to that I stick to said resolution).

Obligatory sweaty gym selfie

Unfortunately this is where the similarity with four out of five people ends.  The reason being is that I am the one out five people in the UK that has a mental health issue, making my reaction to resolution failure different.

Most folks will find a ‘reason’ for not having stuck to their resolution; they accept this, hang up their trainers and forget their pledge to run a marathon.  Me? No such luck!

Suffering from both depression and anxiety, I get torn in two different directions. I feel like my very own ‘Stretch Armstrong’ doll in my head!

Take 2016 for example: I joined the gym to improve my

strength and get a bit fitter. I’d stuck at it quite well until about March, when I had my first ‘waiver’. I felt down (depression) so I didn’t want to do anything – let alone roll up to the gym after a busy working day. Then I felt nervous guilt (anxiety) for not going, which in turn made me even more low (depression) for letting myself and my ‘goal’ down. This in turn led to more guilt (anxiety), that I was letting down the people who had encouraged me when I set myself the resolution. And so the cycle continued… until I felt that I’d failed. ‘You couldn’t even keep a simple resolution, Charlotte’. It’s not perfect and so I’m useless!

 

But that’s just it: I’ve realised – finally, after 18 years - I’m not useless. I just have a different approach to making a resolution. Sometimes ‘perfect’ doesn’t have to be the goal; sometime ‘just enough’ is good enough.

My needs are as big as Charlie Brown's

It’s not easy, but of the 14.5 million people that make resolutions, at least 2.9 million of them are likely to have some form of mental health issue. That means that I’m not alone. There are lots of us out there who have this vicious cycle in our heads.

 

Myself and the Miss British Beauty Curve girls in Regents Park

Upshot: Did I join the gym? Yes. Did I go more than three times a month? Yes. Did I take part in the British Heart Foundation Regents Park Run? Yes. Therefore, was I doing more than I was in 2015? Answer: Yes.

 

Ergo: I achieved ‘just enough’ of my resolution to make a difference. Sure it’s not ‘perfect’, but it’s a change and in the end, that’s good enough.

 

 

New Year, New You... What's wrong with the old one?

Well, here we are on 9th January 2016 and I still haven't written the first blog of the year that I faithfully promised to do at the start of the year. So here goes - and apologies, it's going to be a it of a long one...

I started something a couple of years ago, and I've suck with it this year. Rather than making straightforward resolutions, I instead chose to 'theme' my years. Let me explain...

In 2014, I decided to make it my year of 'yes'. I figured that if I said 'yes' more than 'no', more nice things may happen. As it turned out, they did. I took part in two burlesque courses (and graduated), I joined the Red Hat Society (as a Pink hatter), I took part in two photo-shoots and I started my own business. Not bad for simply saying 'yes' a bit more.

Then in 2015, the theme was 'why not?'. Applying the same principle as above, I said, 'why not?' a bit more. This meant wearing a bikini (for the first time since I was four years old), taking part in the Race For Life despite being the largest lady there and entering the plus size pageant 'Miss British Beauty Curve'. If I'd not taken the 'to hell with it, why not?@ approach - I would never have done these things.

So I have decided that 2016 is going to be my year of 'healthy'. I'm not after the whole 'new year, new you' thing because that it trite rubbish. There's nothing wrong with the old me; I'd just like to improve it a little. This means that I will be making positive, healthy changes to my lifestyle but also a few more healthy changes in terms of positive thoughts towards myself too. For example, I am a plus size girl, and likely to always be so. Whilst I am, as my friend and fellow Miss British Beauty Curve finalist, Tracey puts it, 'fat and fierce' that does not mean that I have to be unhealthy about it.

Since the pageant in August, I had, I must confess rather let myself go in terms of regime. Unfortunately I had taken the approach that if it was not nailed down, I'd eat it and to hell with exercise! Consequently, I gained weight and become even more unfit than I was before. With Christmas into the mix too, and absolutely no will-power at all, you can imagine my predicament.


Then on Boxing Day, I made a decision; whilst I like my junk food and the odd pint, I'd like to be healthier and I'd like to regain some of the courage and pride I had in myself last year. My friend Tracey, whom I mentioned above, has been my inspiration. Her fantastic blog http://Bigbeautifulhealthywoman.wordpress.com is absolutely the steer

I needed in the right direction and so with a pint of Rattler Pear in one hand and a box of Salt and Vinegar Pringles in the other, I started trawling the internet for local gyms and classes to help me move forward, inspired my Tracey. I found 'Gravity' in Tewkesbury, run by John Cooper and Suzanne Meaden, at my old senior school, Tewkesbury School. I emailed them straight away explaining my predicament - size 26, hate exercise, thought of the gym filling me with dread, fear of being sweaty in public, etc... - and awaited their response.

Well, long story short, John kindly contacted me just before new year and I was up at the fitness centre on 2nd January, talking through my fears and goals. It was strangely cathartic going back to my old school sports centre. I detested sports and particularly the obnoxious women who taught the sport at our senior school. I was always tall, chunky and completely uninspired. It took an immense amount of courage to walk in there and I'm so proud of myself for doing it. I'm even prouder that I signed up to the gym on the Monday and this week I have completed my gym induction and attended both the Yoga Balance and Pilates class. More to follow about my classes and my progress in the coming weeks

In the meantime, I think I'd best sign off for the time being, but suffice to say that this is the first step in a very long road and I hope you'll stick with me and see where it leads...

Recommendation for the week: If you are not already a Lane Bryant shopper, I really urge you to take a look at their 'Livi' sportwear collection, and in particular, this weeks saviour - the Livi Molded underwire sports bra (item #127197) http://www.lanebryant.com/plus-size-active/sports-bras/20233c20242/index.cat. Available up to an H cup, this little beauty has been a God-send this week and has kept the girls firmly where they needed to be!