Every New
Year, like around 14.5 million people in the UK (according to thinkmoney.co.uk),
I make at least one resolution. Usually it’s along the lines of ‘I will look
after myself more’, or ‘I will be kinder to myself’, or ‘I will eat better’, or
(last years) ‘I will go to the gym twice a week and Pilates once a week’.
Like
everyone else, I start with the best of intentions: I buy all the necessary
kit, trainers and outfits and then I write my blog telling everyone how I’m
going to achieve this (I do this in a vague hope that making myself enough
guilt to that I stick to said resolution).
Unfortunately this is where the
similarity with four out of five people ends.
The reason being is that I am the one out five people in the UK that has
a mental health issue, making my reaction to resolution failure different.
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| Obligatory sweaty gym selfie |
Most folks
will find a ‘reason’ for not having stuck to their resolution; they accept
this, hang up their trainers and forget their pledge to run a marathon. Me? No such luck!
Suffering
from both depression and anxiety, I get torn in two different directions. I
feel like my very own ‘Stretch Armstrong’ doll in my head!
strength
and get a bit fitter. I’d stuck at it quite well until about March, when I had
my first ‘waiver’. I felt down (depression) so I didn’t want to do anything –
let alone roll up to the gym after a busy working day. Then I felt nervous guilt
(anxiety) for not going, which in turn made me even more low (depression) for
letting myself and my ‘goal’ down. This in turn led to more guilt (anxiety),
that I was letting down the people who had encouraged me when I set myself the
resolution. And so the cycle continued… until I felt that I’d failed. ‘You
couldn’t even keep a simple resolution, Charlotte’. It’s not perfect and so I’m
useless!
But that’s
just it: I’ve realised – finally, after 18 years - I’m not useless. I just have
a different approach to making a resolution. Sometimes ‘perfect’ doesn’t have
to be the goal; sometime ‘just enough’ is good enough.
It’s not easy, but of
the 14.5 million people that make resolutions, at least 2.9 million of them are
likely to have some form of mental health issue. That means that I’m not alone.
There are lots of us out there who have this vicious cycle in our heads.
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| My needs are as big as Charlie Brown's |
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| Myself and the Miss British Beauty Curve girls in Regents Park |
Upshot: Did
I join the gym? Yes. Did I go more than three times a month? Yes. Did I take part
in the British Heart Foundation Regents Park Run? Yes. Therefore, was I doing
more than I was in 2015? Answer: Yes.
Ergo: I
achieved ‘just enough’ of my resolution to make a difference. Sure it’s not ‘perfect’,
but it’s a change and in the end, that’s good enough.
